Thank you

Another Day...

     Thanksgiving was wonderful!  It was great being there, with family, and not hiding from them.  I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, all good days!  Monday came, I was feeling low, Dad called, asked how I was, I said fine, although he could probably hear in my voice that I was not.  Night time fell...my worst hours when I am home.  I was still weaning from my addiction, but last night I just threw that out the window, FAIL!  I felt so desperate and alone, hurting, the pain, the self talk was just to heavy for me to bare, I knew what I should have done, but chose not to listen or do any of the right things.

     I did pick up the phone and called my brother, I was crying, he talked with me, then said I needed to call BEFORE I picked up the poison... CLICK!  I in my arrogance hung up on him, that comment made me mad. (AA statement grrrrr)   He called back and asked if I had hung up on him, I said yep... we talked for a bit more, and he offered to pray with me, he did, thanks Roo!  We said our good byes and hung up, together this time!

      I called dad, I was hitting the bottom again, UGH, again, I am so tired of this spot! We talked for a bit, I do feel bad for calling him late, but am thankful he was there at that moment with me, Thanks Dad!

     Dad called me this morning to check in with me, I am feeling low and guilty, and sad.  I just sat down and cried with him on the phone.  "Dad," I said, "I hate this, it is so hard, I don't know what to do, I just can't take it anymore". He as when I go back to the Doctor, I told him the 9th, he said that was not too far away, but with what I am dealing with I should get in sooner, so now I go Friday... Thanks Dad!

     This morning, I woke still feeling really lousy, walked into the bathroom and heard Matt crying and banging on his bedroom wall, I rushed in and he told me his ear was hurting, I picked him up and knew right away he had a fever so my lil booger was going to be home with me.  We rested together on the couch, cuddled up, that made me smile, a lil sunshine coming through. Later in the afternoon we had a woman coming to do an evaluation on Matt to see if he still qualified for the funding for his school, I didn't know what to expect so I was a little nervous. (I knew the evaluator, not well but felt comfortable with her) So, I got my nudest dressed and prayed he would stay dressed while she was here, Matt dressed, I showered, and we waited for her arrival.

     Our visitor came in and we began the questions, what Matt can and can't do YET.  We would go off on little sidebars and chit chat like mommas do, and then return to more questions.  After if was over, we chatted some more and I felt the urge to share my new journey.  Why?  I didn't know, I just did, I felt safe and comfortable, I cried as I talked of my downfalls and shortcomings and my anger with God, how I just finally gave it all to him, that my dad was just my DAD now, all the pain I had for him was gone, taken in an instant.  She shared somethings with me to, we both have children with disabilities, and she too had been angry with God.  She shared things with me she says she never tells anyone, and I had done the same, when she left, I was feeling better, I think Jesus was here and led us to that conversation, Thank you new friend, and thank you Jesus!

     Please pray for Matthew, his eardrum ruptured this afternoon and his tube blew out, (He is on his 4th set of tubes as it is) he sees the ENT surgeon tomorrow morning at 8:30am, hopefully they can get him cleared up and scheduled ASAP if they are going to put the tubes back in.  He is in a lot of pain, so pray for him....and me too, so that we may be ....................................................highandliftedup