God's Gracious Gift

     I have been gone for a couple days... working... that is a good thing... gets me out of these four walls, and I love my job working in Group Homes for Special Needs adults, it is hard and rewarding work!  I look at it differently now though, I think of all the time I had wasted, wonder what any one of them would have done if one of my clients had my gifts to walk, talk, see, feel, sleep, use a regular bathroom, feed themselves, shower on their own, drive, make decisions on their own and dress independently... Makes me very sad of that time that I will not get back, so I will try and do more with the time ahead of me!

     DAY 5...
     I found myself in the shower after God had woke me up to be with him... it was a different feeling, usually in the morning shower I am hanging on to the walls because I was so dizzy, it felt as though I would fall, not this morning, I realized I was making plans for when I got off work at 5 that day... I was not mentally taking "alcohol inventory" (how much did I drink, how much do I have left, do I have time to go to the store), I was thinking..."When I get home I need to get the boys church clothes together so we are not running around like chickens with our heads chopped off!  WHAT?!? I talked to my dad later and told him of that thought, and how and that moment I realized my thought patterns are beginning to change!  I was so excited, don't get me wrong I still have my battles, but I have to admit it is nice to not be thinking about the drink all the time... Jesus is not only changing my sleep pattern but my thought process too!  Thank you Jesus.  When I got home, I did just that, I was not staring at the clock, waiting for time to pass, I started going though their clothes, cleaning out their drawers, moving in the winter clothes and taking out the summer, before I would just SMASH them all in because I was too tired or sick feeling.  I pulled out 2 cute guy outfits, socks and dress shoes...YEAH mission accomplished... may not seem like much, but even then Jesus was their with me, rooting for me!

     Day 6...

     Sunday was a different day too, I was up before the rest of my family, READY TO GO to CHURCH!  It was early though, I had my talk with Jesus, messed around on FB and so on... the lil guys woke first... I stuck them right in the bath, and got them dressed, then I showered and dressed, I could hear Kate upstairs getting ready, she was looking forward to going!  Brock finally emerged from his room downstairs, dressed and ready for church, when I told him we were going, he said COOL, that made me happy) that leaves one, daddy, he was a little slow moving... I knew he was going to go, he had promised, I also knew he was nervous, he always is in church... I felt for him, but knew I, we had to go!  He got up, dressed and at 9:15 am the family, all of us, walked out the door!  Before, I could not have been UP at this time let alone have gotten all that done if it was not for my Savior, and that is what he is, he SAVED me, yes Jann, you!

     Everyone welcomed us warmly, I felt very wonderful about being in God's house!  It was peaceful, the sense of being there, well it just felt like another piece of the puzzle had been put in place!  We went to Sunday School, Worship service, and heard the message from Pastor Greg about being a Barabbas, meaning Son of Encouragement.  That we should all be a Barabbas, and have a Barabbas in our life as well. 
 
     I got to thinking about the meaning of my name, a name I did not really care for, Janice.  Janice, meaning God's Gracious Gift....HUH think about that will ya Jann... God's Gracious Gift, Wow!  Kind of a kick in the teeth to me, I have been a gift to no one, but a no more!  I am Janice, daughter of God! and that was enough to get me through the rest of my day.........................................highandliftedup