To Run or Not to Run...

Day 2....

     What a different day... last night I went to an unfamiliar Church, sat with unfamiliar people, awkward!  NOT!  I was right where I was supposed to be!  I didn't know it then, but it didn't take long to grasp the gift I had been given.  I saw a Cross draped with Jesus, a Christian Flag,  (haven't laid eyes on one in years) the hanging lights, rows of chairs... some empty, but one less because I was there... WHAT?? I was there?? How did that happen... YOGA PANTS! and the fact I didn't have to get out of them, that was going to be my excuse not to go if I had to change...

     Upon entering, I did not see the couple who invited me... it for a moment, felt like walking into an AA meeting, UGH! TORTURE, I wanted to RUN!  But there was this guy who saw me peek around the corner, looking to see if I was in the right place... he asked me if he could help me, direct me... again AA, Run Jann Run!  I didn't, I just said Bible study... I dragged myself to the front of the Sanctuary, he shook my hand and said his name was Greg, or something, I was still panicking.  I told him I was a friend of the Sterling's, and they had invited me...I still didn't see them...RUN!  He handed me a paper for the Study, and like a good student, I found a seat, behind everyone else!  Got out a pen, and opened my Bible to the Scripture that was to be discussed...1 Thessalonians 5... BORING...NOT!  First of all, I had already had that passage highlighted from a sermon probably from 16 years ago... 2nd, (I challenge you to look it up) verses 6-8 talk about drunk and sober, and yes, I know there are a couple interpretations of this, but you are talking to an alcoholic.... RUN... Nope, I had to hear this!  One thing I am learning or hearing is that if i hear it once, and then twice, in the same day and it is coming from the Lord, there has to be a purpose...something meant especially for me... Me???? the unworthy, worthless, useless alcoholic. 

     The man began service, (BTW the couple that invited me came in Lisa was working with the kids, but her husband Steve came in and sat with me, so now I am not feeling as exposed) it was an interactive Bible study, and before I knew it, Greg asked a question and an answer popped out of my mouth. (Persecution)  I was shocked, I looked for puppet strings...there were none...blerg... another answer... I looked for a remote, maybe someone was changing my channel... before I knew it, I was sharing a part of my life to STRANGERS... I am an alcoholic, I have forgotten so many promises from God... I was angry with him, ran from him, hurt everyone around me... WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?

     I don't know where I am going with all this... but I do know I was right where I was supposed to be, while in service my dad called twice (thank goodness I remembered to turn my phone off)  I called him back and told him I missed his call because I was in Church... he was thrilled... proud of me...ME?  Yes Jann, You!...

     It is another 1 hour at a time kinda day, a better, brighter day, but still up hill... I know I am not alone.... that makes a huge difference, I am expecting 2 phone calls today from two special people  I have not talked to in YEARS!!   YEAH!  in the meanwhile, I am going to try my hardest being.... highandliftedup